Amidst all the turmoil, strife and suffering in the world, we all need...
Love: May all beings have happiness and its causes
Compassion: May all beings be free of suffering and its causes
Immeasurable Love
How do we come to love someone? What does it take for love to arise in our hearts?
The sort of love involved in immeasurable love is a genuine feeling of caring and respect for others. We wish them to be happy and to have whatever they need for a healthy, satisfying life. It can also be called loving-kindness.
What gives rise to such love?
Love involves wishing everyone to have the causes of happiness, and the love we develop should be pure and unselfish, expecting nothing in return. Love also transcends boundaries.
Immeasurable Compassion
Compassion differs slightly from love. Love wants others to be happy, while compassion wants them to not have pain, problems or unhappiness. Love comes from appreciating others' kindness, or just respecting them as fellow beings, whereas compassion comes from realising that they suffer.
Our own experiences of suffering are the basis for compassion. We know what it's like to be sick or in pain, to be lonely or have our feelings hurt by an unkind remark, to fear the unknown or mourn the death of a loved one. When we then see or hear of others experiencing these things, our heart opens with a feeling of empathy and a wish to help. This is compassion.
But how can we have compassion towards someone who harms us or our loved ones? Compassion involves understanding the situation of others. It asks us to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. "What is he/she thinking? How does he/she feel? What makes him/her behave like this?" If we do this with an open heart, we'll realise that the other person is not happy, that he/she is not in control of his/her own mind but rather he/she is under the control of his/her own delusions, which only cause him/her suffering. This will help us to understand that it is more appropriate to respond with calm patience than with anger and the wish to retaliate.
How do we come to love someone? What does it take for love to arise in our hearts?
The sort of love involved in immeasurable love is a genuine feeling of caring and respect for others. We wish them to be happy and to have whatever they need for a healthy, satisfying life. It can also be called loving-kindness.
What gives rise to such love?
- Realising the important role people play in our lives - there are many people who contribute to our well-being without our realising it. Everything we have, use and enjoy comes from other people.
- Realising that all beings are the same in wanting happiness and not wanting suffering. Just as I want to stay alive and be happy, so does everyone else. Just as I do not want to experience pain and problems, neither does anyone else.
Love involves wishing everyone to have the causes of happiness, and the love we develop should be pure and unselfish, expecting nothing in return. Love also transcends boundaries.
Immeasurable Compassion
Compassion differs slightly from love. Love wants others to be happy, while compassion wants them to not have pain, problems or unhappiness. Love comes from appreciating others' kindness, or just respecting them as fellow beings, whereas compassion comes from realising that they suffer.
Our own experiences of suffering are the basis for compassion. We know what it's like to be sick or in pain, to be lonely or have our feelings hurt by an unkind remark, to fear the unknown or mourn the death of a loved one. When we then see or hear of others experiencing these things, our heart opens with a feeling of empathy and a wish to help. This is compassion.
- True compassion balances loving concern with clear wisdom. This wisdom enables us to stay calm and think clearly how best to help, without being carried away by our emotions.
- It is easier for compassion to arise towards some than towards others, but this is only because we have a limited idea of how beings suffer. Physically, everyone has a body that experiences hunger, thirst, heat, cold and tiredness; that gets sick, ages and will one day die.
But how can we have compassion towards someone who harms us or our loved ones? Compassion involves understanding the situation of others. It asks us to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. "What is he/she thinking? How does he/she feel? What makes him/her behave like this?" If we do this with an open heart, we'll realise that the other person is not happy, that he/she is not in control of his/her own mind but rather he/she is under the control of his/her own delusions, which only cause him/her suffering. This will help us to understand that it is more appropriate to respond with calm patience than with anger and the wish to retaliate.
-- Adapted from Ven. Sangye Khadro. (1996). Awakening a Kind Heart.
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