Glasses

He walks along the garden path
His glasses covered in grime
“The world is dark!” he says
Then he plants the bitter seeds

Blinded by the filth-masked specs
He trips over his own two feet
“The world is treacherous!” he says
As he tastes the bitter fruit

He scrapes at the dense dirt one day
Spots of sunrays shine through
“The world has light!” he says
Then he plants the sweet, sweet seeds

He walks along the garden path
His glasses sparkling clean
“The world is wonderful!” he says
As he tastes the sweet, sweet fruit

Whether the world is bad or good
Depends on what glasses you wear
It all comes down to your perception
Then you plant the seeds for your fruit

Written: 26 January 2009
Published in: Unibuds Annual Magazine 2008 "Fruition: The Ripening of Kamma"

Mastering Your Mind

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is being self-aware. That is, the process of carefully monitoring your own thoughts, speech and actions.

While only you can observe your own thoughts, your speech and actions can be observed by and directly affect others. How many times have we said something to someone that we later on regretted? How many times have we done something that we know others would consider as inappropriate or unskilful?

Humans are social animals. With some exceptions, most of us are constantly interacting with others. Since human interaction is part and parcel of being a member of society, we need to be mindful about managing our words and behaviour in order to enhance our relationships with others.

But where to begin? Our words and actions are a consequence of our inner world. That is, our thoughts and emotions, which interact and reinforce each other. What we think and feel determine how we act and express ourselves.

Consider the following propositions (refer to Diagram):

1. Thoughts and emotions are intertwined.
2. Thoughts and emotions impact directly on yourself and lead to your words and actions.
3. Thoughts and emotions impact on yourself and others through your words and actions.
4. Reactions of others impact on you, which feed back to your thoughts and emotions.
5. The cycle continues in an iterative process.

Impact of Our Thoughts & Emotions

What does this all mean? If the impact of your words and actions on others and yourself stem from your own thoughts and emotions, then it makes sense to first and foremost be mindful of those thoughts and emotions that arise.

Consider the following examples.


Illustrative Examples

1. One of your best friends is habitually late. Often she arrives an hour late to meet you. This has been going on for quite some time but you have always put up with it. Even though it annoys you, sometimes you just tease her about being late. You love her like a sister but you feel like you cannot tolerate this bad habit for much longer. One day she was late again and even forgot her mobile at home so you could not contact her. You are now furious. When she finally arrives, do you:

A. Give her the ‘silent treatment’. Why should I talk to her?
B. Give her a piece of your mind, i.e. tell her what a moron she is.
C. Pretend nothing is wrong but deliberately come one hour late the next time you meet.
D. Tell her calmly that her lateness affects you and the long-term health of this friendship.
E. Do none of the above. You choose an alternative response.

2. You live in a shared apartment with a timetable assigning household chores to all housemates. It is your turn to wash the dishes this week. One of the house rules is that whoever does the dishes that week gets to assign someone to clean the bathroom. You have assigned bathroom duties to Ben but by the end of the week, the bathroom is still a mess. This is not the first time that Ben has neglected his household chores and you are extremely unimpressed with his laziness. Do you:

A. Clean up the bathroom yourself. If you don’t do it, no-one else will.
B. Yell at him for being the slob that he is.
C. Continue to assign him with the nastiest household chores possible.
D. Find out why he neglects his duties and ask him again to clean the bathroom.
E. Do none of the above. You choose an alternative response.

Putting it Together – Managing Your Thoughts & Emotions

While you may not have had exactly the same experience as illustrated above, most of us at some point in our lives would have experienced similar situations. How would these situations make us feel? Angry? Frustrated? Cheated? You name it. What about the thoughts that arise in our minds? Unless you are extremely tolerant or enlightened, you would experience at least some negative thoughts towards these individuals who disappoint you.

Review options A, B and C for each example. Option A represents an avoidant/passive approach; option B represents an aggressive approach; and option C represents a retaliatory approach. How effective are each of these actions? Although there is no 100% guarantee since each individual and situation differs to the next, we can imagine that these approaches are probably not very effective in achieving the desired outcome. Unless what you really want is to continue being angry (options A to C) or to make the other person suffer (options B and C).

Feeling negative emotions and thinking negative thoughts are completely normal. We are only human after all. But ask yourself: does this achieve the outcome that you want? Is seething with fury helpful? If it is – provided that it is not unduly harmful to yourself and others – by all means, hold on to your anger. Sometimes anger can move us into productive action. For example, protesting for a worthy cause.

However, if the anger does nothing more than pointlessly hurting yourself and others, why not let it go? Observe these negative thoughts and emotions and recognise them for what they are. Then simply release it to the air. You have no obligation to be a slave to your thoughts and emotions.

Review option D in each example. These represent an emotionally intelligent or skilful approach. Again, although there is no 100% guarantee, this option is likely to have the least negative effect on yourself and others.

So how can we act in this emotionally intelligent or skilful manner? This involves first being mindful of our own thoughts and emotions, then understanding how these may play out in the situation and what consequences each option may have. The next step is controlling those thoughts and emotions so you can choose and enact the most effective response.

Options A to D are by no means an exhaustive list of the possible actions that you can take in each situation – hence the extra option E. But what it demonstrates is that while there are many responses that you can choose from, some responses may be more effective than others. It is up to you to be mindful and skilfully select the best response that is of benefit to both yourself and others.

Will you be the master or slave to your thoughts and emotions? The choice is yours.

Written: 30 November 2008
Published in: Unibuds Sacca Dec 08/Feb 09 Edition "Mindfulness and Me"

The Journey Continues...

Breathe in... Breathe out...

Sigh of relief...

My six-year university career has finally come to a close. Is the door still open? Yes... Still slightly open. There are still a few loose ends to tie up and I don't want to close that door just yet. Six years. Six years is a very long time. Same as primary school, same as high school.

Six years. What have I learned in this block of six years? How have I changed in my last block of education... perhaps for the rest of my life? (Unless I come back to uni for another degree...)

It's been a long journey. Transitioning from a teenager to an adult. My life has taken a whole new direction. My path is becoming clearer. I'm walking down the path with so much excitement, passion and joy...

Do I look back? Yes. Learn from the past but don't dwell on it.

What's in stall for me down this path? I don't know. But as long as I do my best in the present, the future shines brightly in the distance.

In my short break to come before I start working... What to do with my time...?

Perhaps I can finally return to one of my long-time passions, which I have neglected for the past few years. A drawing that I began in 2003, at the beginning of my university career that I never completed... Almost forgotten. I have just rediscovered it. Perhaps I will complete this at the conclusion of my university journey. Or not. We shall see.

Belldandy from Ah! My Goddess

I am truly grateful.

May all beings be well and happy.

Credit to Life's Teachers

Everyone that comes into your life teaches you something - about people, about the world, and about yourself. Some people who enter your life encourage your growth through a positive relationship with you - mentoring and guiding you through good and bad times, sharing your successes and failures. These people are easily classified into the "good" category and they have important places in our hearts. It's very easy to love these people and to speak well of them.

Other people, however, speed up your growth through having a negative relationship with you. Perhaps you have never gotten along with these people. Or perhaps it began positively but then the relationship sours by circumstances or misunderstandings. These people are easily classified into the "bad" category and often you'd just rather forget that these people even exist. It's very easy to hate these people and to speak ill of them.

What is it about the latter category of people that are so difficult? Whereas the former category of people do things with good intentions towards you, those in the latter category may not have intentions quite so pure. Sometimes even with intentions to harm. These people challenge your beliefs and self-perceptions. Perhaps they accuse you of things that you wouldn't in a million years agree with. Or perhaps they spread their ill-will towards you on to others. Whatever it is, it's never easy to deal with.

What is one's natural reaction towards these people? To defend oneself, to retaliate, and even to hate.

Why is this the case? What is there to protect?

Everyone has a sense of ego - a sense of self. We all have an image of who we are, what we represent. When our sense of 'self' is under attack, we want to protect this 'self'.

A couple of things to think about though...

• Why are they attacking in the first place? Do they have any basis for their attacks? First of all, reflect on your own actions. Put yourself in their shoes - would you react the same way if you were them? Most of the time people don't start attacking for no reason - there has to be better things to do in life than making random attacks. If that is the case, there are lessons to be learnt. What could you have done differently? This is by no means an easy feat - taking a good look at yourself is challenging at the best of times. But this must be done in order to move forward and become a better person for it.
  

• Why is this sense of self so important to us? And why must others agree with our sense of self? Sometimes people go too far and attack just for the hell of it after a while. They can attack all they want but as long as you know who you are and what you are doing - it does not matter what their opinions are if you do not believe them to be true. Often these people can teach you how not to act.
  

Many people come and go in one's lifetime. For better or worse, these people will teach you something. Your experiences shape you into who you are today.

So here's paying credit where credit is due - thank you for the experience.

What We Need

Amidst all the turmoil, strife and suffering in the world, we all need...

Love: May all beings have happiness and its causes

Compassion: May all beings be free of suffering and its causes

Immeasurable Love
How do we come to love someone? What does it take for love to arise in our hearts?

The sort of love involved in immeasurable love is a genuine feeling of caring and respect for others. We wish them to be happy and to have whatever they need for a healthy, satisfying life. It can also be called loving-kindness.

What gives rise to such love?

• Realising the important role people play in our lives - there are many people who contribute to our well-being without our realising it. Everything we have, use and enjoy comes from other people.
• Realising that all beings are the same in wanting happiness and not wanting suffering. Just as I want to stay alive and be happy, so does everyone else. Just as I do not want to experience pain and problems, neither does anyone else.

Love involves wishing everyone to have the causes of happiness, and the love we develop should be pure and unselfish, expecting nothing in return. Love also transcends boundaries.


Immeasurable Compassion
Compassion differs slightly from love. Love wants others to be happy, while compassion wants them to not have pain, problems or unhappiness. Love comes from appreciating others' kindness, or just respecting them as fellow beings, whereas compassion comes from realising that they suffer.

Our own experiences of suffering are the basis for compassion. We know what it's like to be sick or in pain, to be lonely or have our feelings hurt by an unkind remark, to fear the unknown or mourn the death of a loved one. When we then see or hear of others experiencing these things, our heart opens with a feeling of empathy and a wish to help. This is compassion.

• True compassion balances loving concern with clear wisdom. This wisdom enables us to stay calm and think clearly how best to help, without being carried away by our emotions.
• It is easier for compassion to arise towards some than towards others, but this is only because we have a limited idea of how beings suffer. Physically, everyone has a body that experiences hunger, thirst, heat, cold and tiredness; that gets sick, ages and will one day die.

Compassion wishes all beings to be free not only from suffering but from its causes as well. Compassion stops us from harming others.

But how can we have compassion towards someone who harms us or our loved ones? Compassion involves understanding the situation of others. It asks us to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. "What is he/she thinking? How does he/she feel? What makes him/her behave like this?" If we do this with an open heart, we'll realise that the other person is not happy, that he/she is not in control of his/her own mind but rather he/she is under the control of his/her own delusions, which only cause him/her suffering. This will help us to understand that it is more appropriate to respond with calm patience than with anger and the wish to retaliate.

-- Adapted from Ven. Sangye Khadro. (1996). Awakening a Kind Heart.

Take Control of the Steering Wheel

Imagine our body as being a motor bus and all our moods as passengers. They are trying to get in the driver's seat to take control of the steering wheel. What do you think will happen in such a situation? An accident or a crash will result. And this is what happens to most people in their lives, if they do not know how to handle their changing moods which cause their character to be rather unstable.

You must reduce the number of passengers. Drop some off at the bus stops along the way. Get rid of those who are troublesome. Get rid of your anger, greed, worry, jealousy, ill-will and so on which influence your moods. With such harmful distractions out of the way, there will be no jostling for the driver's seat and you will be able to drive in peace. You will be in full control of the bus. Your body and mind will be under your control and you can go where you want to. You will be the master of yourself.

-- K. Sri Dhammananda



"Drive" by Incubus

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

Would you choose the water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive

Peace

Develop the quiet,

even state of mind.

When praised by some

and condemned by others,

free the mind from

hate and pride, and

gently go your way in peace.

-- Heart of a Buddha

Prosperous Future Generations

With virtue, you will be respected.

With achievements, you will be adored.

With magnanimity, you will be acclaimed.

With tolerance, you will be followed.

--- Dharma Thoughts of Master Hsing Yun